Due to trauma our emotions (energy in motion) can be suppressed and get stuck in our system. This is generally harmful because it creates all kinds of stagnant energy and blocks in the system that can hinder us later in life.
In our youth, up to 7/8 years of age we navigate our environment mostly on our emotional brain also called the limbic system. After that age our neocortex, our rational mind gets more fully formed and starts regulating the emotions from the limbic system more.
It is important to learn to reconnect with these older suppressed stuck emotions from childhood in this deeper brain layer, to fully allow them and feel them as they are in the here and now and they can be processed by our current adult brain so the old stuck energy in the emotional brain can get released/transmuted.
When reconnecting to these ‘stuck’ emotions it can feel like you are the age again when that emotion originally got repressed. So don’t be too surprised if you feel like a 3 year old when this happens.
One method to work with difficult emotions is RAIN. It is a mindfulness-based practice developed by psychologist and meditation teacher Tara Brach. It’s a powerful tool for processing difficult emotions (like humiliation, guilt, anxiety, grief, rage, hopelessness, etc.) with compassion instead of avoidance or judgment. The acronym stands for Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture, and it helps create space between you and your emotions, reducing their intensity and fostering healing.
1. Recognize
What it means: Pause and name the emotion or sensation you’re experiencing.
How to do it? Ask: “What’s happening inside me right now?”
Label the emotion: “I’m feeling anxious,” “There’s tightness in my chest,” or “This is sadness.”
Why it works: Recognition interrupts autopilot reactions and brings awareness to the present moment.
2. Allow
What it means: Let the emotion or sensation be there without trying to fix, judge, or push it away.
How to do it? Silently say: “It’s okay to feel this,” or “This belongs right now.”
Imagine the emotion as a wave passing through you—you don’t have to fight it.
Why it works: Resistance amplifies suffering; acceptance reduces the struggle.
3. Investigate
What it means: Explore the emotion with gentle curiosity.
How to do it? Ask: “Where do I feel this in my body?” (e.g., tension in shoulders, a sinking stomach).
Wonder: “What does this emotion need me to know?” or “What triggered this feeling?”
Avoid over analyzing—this is about sensing, not intellectualizing.
Why it works: Investigating connects you to the emotion’s physical roots and underlying needs (e.g., safety, connection).
4. Nurture
What it means: Offer yourself kindness and care, as you would to a loved one in pain.
How to do it? Place a hand on your heart or hug yourself.
Use phrases like: “May I be gentle with myself,” “I’m here for you,” or “This is hard, but I’m not alone.”
Imagine sending warmth or light to the part of you that’s hurting.
Why it works: Self-compassion soothes the nervous system and addresses unmet needs (e.g., safety, love).
Common Challenges & Tips
“I can’t name the emotion”: Start with body sensations (e.g., “My jaw is clenched”).
“Allowing feels impossible”: Remind yourself: “This is temporary. I don’t have to like it—just let it be.”
“Nurturing feels fake”: Experiment with gestures (e.g., wrapping yourself in a blanket) until it feels authentic.
This wheel can help you put words to emotions and feelings. Click on the picture to enlarge it.
How RAIN Works
Breaks the suppression cycle: Instead of bottling emotions (which can fuel depression) or reacting impulsively (which worsens anxiety), RAIN creates a mindful pause.
Taps into self-compassion: By nurturing yourself, you activate the brain’s caregiving system, lowering stress hormones like cortisol.
Uncovers root needs: Investigating helps identify unmet needs (e.g., “I need reassurance” or “I need rest”), guiding actionable steps.
When to Use RAIN
In moments of overwhelm (e.g., conflict, panic attacks).
During quiet reflection (e.g., journaling, meditation).
As a daily check-in to process emotions before they build up.
Awakening through Difficult Emotions: “The Poison is the Medicine”
Most of us know the pain of getting stuck in fear, anxiety, anger or shame. This exploration looks at how the emotion that takes over, when we attend with mindfulness and care, can become a place of deep transformation and freedom.
Guided RAIN Meditation (Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture) Meditation
A 20 minute guided meditation session where with Tara Brach leads the listener through the 4 stages of RAIN – Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture – to transform difficult emotions like, fear, anger, sadness, etc. Make it a daily routine if you like it.
Another method that can help with reconnecting, feeling and transforming your suppressed and repressed emotions is the Letting Go method from David Hawkins. He mapped the different human emotions on a scale. And on that scale he distinguishes three paradigms.
It starts with a Survival Paradigm from shame, guilt, apathy, grief, fear, desire, anger to pride. Then there is a Reason & Integrity Paradigm from courage, neutrality, willingness, acceptance to reason. And last there is a Spiritual Paradigm from love, joy, peace to enlightenment. Once you learn about the different emotions and these paradigms it’s easier to recognize and identify them.
Once you recognize the emotion you can use his map and method to work with it. In his book – Letting Go – he describes the following process.
Step One: What am I feeling? — STRESS, DESIRE, FEAR, GUILT, SHAME, ETC (sit with this as long as you need to). Focus on the EMOTION not the thought loop of who did what.
Step Two: Run TO it, not FROM it. — Let it be. Spend 1-10 min here. Be with the feeling, we instinctively like to turn away from unpleasant emotions or we try to distract ourselves or suppress them. Do the opposite. See if you can fully embrace whatever emotion you are feeling without any judgement or desire to change anything.
Step Three: Can I allow this feeling? — NEUTRALITY. Ask yourself can I allow this feeling? Can I be fully present with it without the desire to change it in any way?
The Sedona Method is a way of letting go of feelings like anger, frustration, jealousy, anxiety, stress, and fear.
Step Four: Could I let this go? — WILLINGNESS. Ask yourself if you could let this emotion go. See if there are any hooks connected to the emotions why you might be holding on to them.
Step Five: Would I let it go? — SURRENDER. Ask yourself if you would let this emotion go. See if there are any reasons why you might be holding on to the emotions.
Step Six: When, now? If you have allowed and felt the emotions fully without any judgement, and then asked the questions, could I let this go, would I let this go. Then ask yourself when you could let it go. Could that be now? If so simply let go of the feeling and see what happens.
In this video you can see this process explained.
There is another method that is very similar to the Letting Go method and it is called the Sedona Method. Most likely the Letting Go method has been inspired by the Sedona Method. In this playlist a short introduction to the Sedona method.
Eckhart Tolle uses the term – The Pain Body – it is a reservoir of old accumulated emotional pain that resides in a person’s energy field (e.g., past trauma, anger, sadness, shame). It’s like a semi-autonomous entity that feeds on negative experiences. When triggered, it can take over a person’s reactions and generate more negativity. It’s not physical but psychological and energetic.
Key features of the Pain Body:
Origins: Formed from childhood wounds, societal conditioning, or ancestral suffering passed through generations.
Activation: The Pain Body “awakens” when triggered by situations, thoughts, or interactions that mirror past hurts (e.g., criticism, rejection, stress).
Feeding Itself: It thrives on negativity—drama, conflict, rumination, or self-judgment—to sustain its existence.
Symptoms: When active, it can manifest as sudden anger, irrational sadness, obsessive thoughts, or a heaviness in the body.
Tolle argues that the Pain Body operates semi-autonomously, hijacking our reactions and perpetuating cycles of suffering unless we become conscious of it. The Pain Body isn’t you—it’s a conditioned pattern that can be dissolved through conscious presence. By observing it with curiosity and compassion you reclaim agency over your emotional state.
4 steps to process the pain body.
1) Notice when negative thoughts or bad feeling energies are hijacking us.
2) See if you can find the emotion behind those thoughts or energies.
3) Bring your attention to the sensation of that emotion in your body.
4) Reach toward that sensation with your heart, breathe into it from your heart.
Gangaji uses a very similar process, she teaches people to be with the emotion that is here and stop trying to move away from it, stop trying to solve it, simply be with it. Here a demonstration from one of her meetings/satsangs.
Gangaji – feel an emotion all the way through to it’s resolution, from fear, self shame and hate to compassion and freedom.
With these methods people should be able to navigate their emotional bodies a lot better. The more you practice the better you get at allowing your feelings and releasing them. Being able to connect to, and release/transform stuck emotions is a great step towards more inner peace.
If we stop resisting our emotions and fully allow them they become like clouds, they come and go without having a big impact on what we truly are. Awake Awareness.
Related articles:
-) Mental Mastery – Part 1: How our thoughts, beliefs and belief systems influence our experience of reality
-) Mental Mastery – Part 2: Learn to investigate, turn around and transform bad feeling thoughts & beliefs
-) Mindfulness, Emotional Regulation, Distress Tolerance & Interpersonal Effectiveness
-) The Transformation of Trauma with Bessel van der Kolk and Gabor Maté
-) Tension and Trauma Release Technique (TRE) – Body Shaking to Release Stress
-) Breathwork – Breath yourself to Inner Peace
-) Becoming Whole: Healing the Wounded & Protective Parts of Ourselves
-) Inner Child work with The Completion Process
-) Connect to your Feelings and Needs and learn how to Set Healthy Boundaries
-) Emotional Freedom Technique – Energy Tapping
Survival Value of Emotions.
Emotions are survival shortcuts, your brain’s way of saying “Do this NOW!” without overthinking.
Emotions are like your body’s instant survival toolkit. They evolved to:
Protect you (e.g., fear makes you run from danger).
Motivate action (e.g., anger pushes you to defend yourself).
Connect you to others (e.g., love bonds you to caregivers or partners).
Signal needs (e.g., disgust stops you eating poison; loneliness drives you to seek company).
In short, emotions are fast, automatic guides that keep you alive, help you belong to groups, and avoid harm—no thinking required. They’re the reason you jump at a loud noise or feel compelled to comfort a crying child. Even “negative” emotions exist to protect you.
Here’s a list with the most difficult emotions, it gives the biological survival functions, why they’re unpleasant/difficult, and when they become unhelpful or toxic. Toxicity often arises when these emotions persist chronically, are disproportionate to the situation, or lead to harmful behaviors.
1. Shame/Humiliation
Survival Function: Encourages conformity to social norms (prevents group exclusion).
Unpleasant: Attacks self-worth.
Difficult: Triggers withdrawal/defensiveness.
Toxic When:
Leads to chronic self-loathing or hiding parts of yourself.
Results in aggression, perfectionism, or self-sabotage.
2. Guilt
Survival Function: Repairs relationships after harm (promotes cooperation).
Unpleasant: Misalignment of actions/values.
Difficult: Spiral into self-punishment.
Toxic When:
Becomes obsessive rumination with no resolution.
Used to manipulate others (e.g., guilt-tripping).
3. Fear/Anxiety
Survival Function: Prepares for danger (fight-flight-freeze).
Unpleasant: Physiological stress (panic, racing heart).
Difficult: Paralysis or avoidance.
Toxic When:
Chronic anxiety over non-threatening situations (e.g., phobias, generalized anxiety).
Avoidance stifles growth (e.g., refusing opportunities due to fear).
4. Grief/Sadness
Survival Function: Strengthens social bonds through shared mourning.
Unpleasant: Pain of loss.
Difficult: Risk of depression.
Toxic When:
Turns into prolonged, debilitating despair (e.g., complicated grief).
Leads to isolation or neglect of self-care.
5. Anger/Rage
Survival Function: Defends boundaries/resources.
Unpleasant: Drains energy.
Difficult: Risk of harm to self/others.
Toxic When:
Explosive outbursts damage relationships.
Internalized anger fuels resentment or passive aggression.
6. Jealousy/Envy
Survival Function: Jealousy protects relationships; envy drives ambition.
Unpleasant: Social comparison.
Difficult: Erodes self-esteem.
Toxic When:
Jealousy becomes controlling or possessive.
Envy fuels sabotage of others or chronic dissatisfaction.
7. Despair/Hopelessness
Survival Function: Conserves energy in unwinnable situations.
Unpleasant: Loss of meaning.
Difficult: Linked to depression.
Toxic When:
Leads to learned helplessness (giving up on all efforts).
Suicidal ideation or self-neglect.
8. Loneliness
Survival Function: Motivates social reconnection.
Unpleasant: Feels like social “hunger.”
Difficult: Traps in isolation.
Toxic When:
Persistent loneliness increases risk of mental/physical illness.
Reinforces negative beliefs (e.g., “I’m unlovable”).
9. Regret
Survival Function: Encourages better future decisions.
Unpleasant: Focus on irreversible mistakes.
Difficult: Hinders present choices.
Toxic When:
Obsessive “what if” thinking prevents moving forward.
Fuels self-punishment (e.g., refusing self-forgiveness).
10. Resentment
Survival Function: Signals injustice for resolution.
Unpleasant: Bitterness.
Difficult: Corrodes relationships.
Toxic When:
Harbored indefinitely, leading to chronic anger or cynicism.
Projected onto unrelated people/situations.
11. Rejection
Survival Function: Encourages conformity to maintain group belonging.
Unpleasant: Mimics physical pain.
Difficult: Triggers insecurity.
Toxic When:
Fear of rejection causes people-pleasing or social withdrawal.
Internalized as proof of inadequacy (“I’m not enough”).
Toxicity Triggers:
Chronic duration: Emotions linger far beyond their adaptive purpose.
Disproportionate intensity: Overreaction to minor triggers.
Harmful behaviors: Actions that damage relationships, self-esteem, or health.
Modern Mismatch: Evolutionary instincts (e.g., fearing social exclusion) clash with modern complexities (e.g., online rejection).
Intervention Needed When:
Emotions impair daily functioning (work, relationships, self-care).
Coping mechanisms are destructive (e.g., substance abuse, self-harm).
What Helps:
Mindfulness: Observe emotions without judgment.
Reframing: Ask, “Is this emotion protecting me or harming me?”
Professional Support: Therapy (e.g., CBT, DBT) for persistent toxic patterns.
By recognizing when these emotions cross into toxicity, we can address them constructively rather than letting them control us.
Toxic When:
Leads to chronic self-loathing or hiding parts of yourself.
Results in aggression, perfectionism, or self-sabotage.
By recognizing when these emotions cross into toxicity, we can address them constructively rather than letting them control us.