The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent developed by Dr. Betty Martin, is a practical model for better understanding and communicating about boundaries, consent, desires and physical touch.

The model is designed to help people clarify who is doing an action and who the action is for, there is a doing and done-to side and a serving and accepting side resulting in 4 different quadrants on the wheel of consent.

There is a serving/giving quadrant where a person gives as an action to another person.

There is a quadrant where a person takes as an action from another person that gives consent and allows this.

There is an accepting/receiving quadrant where one accepts what another person serves to them.

And there is an allowing quadrant where one gifts acces to a taker and the taker is allowed to take within the boundaries of the allower.In this video from Betty Martin her YouTube channel she shares the details on the Wheel of Consent. She explains the different halves (doing and done to + giving and receiving), the 4 quadrants (serve, take, accept & allow), the shadow sides of each quadrant when this happens without consent of all parties etc.

A much used method to practice the wheel of consent is called the three minute game and can be a lot of fun to play. You learn a lot about yourself, your boundaries, how to ask for things, how to say no, how to say yes, how to indicate boundaries, etc.

How the 3-Minute Game Works

The game is played by two people taking turns asking each other two key questions:

1. “How would you like me to touch you for 3 minutes?”
2. “How would you like to touch me for 3 minutes?”

Each turn lasts exactly three minutes, during which the person touching follows the other’s request, respecting boundaries and consent.

After one person receives touch for three minutes, the roles switch, so both experience being the giver and receiver, and both experience touch done for the other’s pleasure and for their own pleasure

Have a look at this video where people show how the 3 minute game can be played.

The 3 minute game is both simple and effective. Personally it has helped me to be more embodied and I feel safer in my body after playing this game for a while.  I learned that I can ask for being touched in specific ways, I can ask to touch another person in specific ways, boundaries are indicated, communicated and followed up in the game and I feel it gave me back a lot of agency and control over my own body.

Try it out and see how it works out for you.